Parasocial Relationships and K-Pop: Maintaining a healthy balance while having fun
With the rise of social media, parasocial relationships have become more common and more intense. With the click of a button, fans can interact directly and indirectly with the people they admire. This has led to many issues with parasocial relationships because most people are not equipped to navigate these sorts of relationships well. In this article, I will explain parasocial relationships in K-Pop and how to keep a healthy balance without completely giving up things that bring you joy.
Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships between a person and a media persona, such as a character on TV, an actor, or in this case, a K-Pop idol or group. This is not to say that idols don’t care about their fans; however, the one-sided description comes from the fact that fans don’t personally know their idols. We know them through their content and what they choose to share. We develop these relationships through parasocial interactions, including passive consuming content or active engagement.
Our brains are not evolved enough to distinguish between parasocial relationships and other types of relationships we form. Psychologically, the relationships we have with our faves are valid. All the thoughts and emotions that come with these relationships are processed in the same way we process thoughts and emotions from relationships we’ve formed with people we’ve actually talked to. This does not mean that parasocial relationships are inherently bad, though. Just because our idols don’t personally know us does not mean that having these relationships with them is bad. In fact, parasocial relationships tend to help with loneliness and make people feel connected to a community and overall personal well-being. However, it does mean we need to be mindful of how we navigate these relationships.
When it comes to K-Pop, it is especially important to be mindful. The K-Pop industry purposely plays into these relationships we form, so they can capitalize and profit off of them, as most other industries do. This means unfortunate things for both idols and fans. Fans can easily fall into an unhealthy mindset with these relationships, whether that be feeling the need to do certain things to please their idols - like spending money - or ignoring their life outside these relationships to dedicate all their time to it. Idols also get exploited in this respect, mainly because the industry leaves little room for idols to set boundaries with their fans because they want to promote these relationships. This leads to idols' privacy being breached and even feeling like they can’t have romantic lives.
So, how do fans maintain healthy parasocial relationships?
1.Do not make your parasocial relationships your whole life.
Parasocial relationships are supposed to be fun and benefit you more than they negatively impact you. If all you do is participate in them without worrying about other aspects of your life, then you’ll be left dependent on them. This can lead to dangerous mindsets in which fans put all their worth into getting noticed or pleasing their idols. It’s okay to feel joy from interacting with your idols, but find other things that give you joy. For example, interacting and befriending other fans (offline or online). This will give you some sort of two-sided interaction that can help with not feeling so dependent on your parasocial relationships for interaction.
2. Be a critical consumer!
As I mentioned, the K-Pop industry does utilize the parasocial relationships we form, so being as critical as possible is important. Remember, it’s never necessary to spend money to be a fan. If you have the resources and like collecting merchandise, feel free - but it is not required. I promise your idols aren’t going to call you out for not buying an album. Further, it’s not necessary to stream for hours or religiously vote. Again, you’re supposed to have fun and enjoy the content they put out. If you feel strongly enough to do either, then that is amazing! Go for it! But it doesn’t make you any less of a fan if you only passively consume the content. Being a fan is not a competition. A person who spent a ton of money and time isn’t going to win something over someone who hasn’t. They’re both still fans, and they both still get to enjoy their faves.
3. Respect your idols as human beings
Idols have a lot of trouble keeping their lives private. It’s one thing for random strangers and paparazzi to breach their privacy; however, as a fan, you should maintain enough respect not to spread information or photos personally they don’t want to be released. Idols make tons of content to share. Enjoy that! Be mindful that they’re humans who happen to have cool jobs. Further, they will and should have romantic lives. Unless you’re aromantic, you will also end up having romantic lives. Do not use your idols as a replacement for that or expect them to ‘save themselves’ for you. Most idols don’t speak up and set boundaries; however, if your idol makes a clear line in what they’re comfortable with then respect it. Not respecting it dehumanizes how you view them and can once again lead to forming an unhealthy mindset that will hold you back. A good reference point in how you treat your idols would be thinking of them as your best friend/close friend that you personally know: if you wouldn’t treat your friend like that, then it’s not okay to do it to idols.
4. Respect yourself outside of your parasocial relationship
Many articles and quizzes go around that will talk about idols’ specific type and whether or not you may fit in it. Ignore these! You are a human being with value and worth. Critically decide what makes you feel good about yourself outside of this standard. Further, for those who may want to look like their idols: If you admire their style and want to follow it - go for it. However, don’t do something because you think it’ll make you look more like these idols because you see how much they are loved. You’re perfectly worth love as you are as well. While life can be hard, and sometimes your relationship with these idols feels like the only thing you have, you will and can have more than that go on in your life.
5. Be mindful of the reality
Don’t get lost in the fact that idols do cater to fans and interact with them. We get a lot of content from vlogs to lives to direct interactions on social media, fan meetings, and fan calls. It’s easy to get lost in all of this. Again, your brain doesn’t think of your connections with your idols as anything different than your connection to people you talk to personally. Keeping the boundary that you don’t personally know them helps a lot with maintaining a balance. Have a good time, but don’t let it consume you.
Let your parasocial relationships be something like a hobby, not your whole life. There’s more to life, and you’re worth much more than what you can give to your faves. While the industry itself may promote getting lost in these relationships, many idols try to promote taking care of yourselves first - so do that. Let them bring a smile to your face, but maintain your own life outside of being their fan.
